I love money, I love money!

I’m back from Egypt, and I brought a cold and diarrhea. Pretty awesome. Lots of memories of crypts and tombs as well.

Here’s a bullet list of things that pop into my mind when thinking of that trip

• Cold. Some of the hotels only had cooling available, so when you tried to use the AC to heat up your room in the middle of winter, it didn’t work. Awesome.
• Insane. We went on some all-inclusive holiday that had a fixed schedule of what to do each day, and when. Like waking up between 4-6 AM so the crowds are smaller. Are you fucking kidding me. That’s probably why I got sick, I was constantly tired and fucked up.
• Beggars. Egyptian salesmanship is about shoving your ware in someone’s face, and saying ‘buy it, you fuck’. They even start cussing you out when you’re not interested. Oh, and you have to pay a tip every time you go to the loo, like one (1!) dollar. For taking a piss.
• Temples. Lots of temples. I couldn’t tell the difference after a while, but the guide said they’re all unique and blablabla.
• The food was good when it was good. Like the first hotel still offered hummus, that ship we stayed on didn’t. That ship was pretty ass, constantly running their diesel engine to power everything. If you’re lucky you’re getting the fumes in your windows, or your room is next to the engine for that constant bed massage.
• Arabian TV. Las hijas de la senora Garcia! Maravillosa.
• Pyramids. There are pyramids there, lots of them. Did u know they were all originally as smooth as a baby’s butt, and white, it’s just that they were used as a local stone quarry that gave them the unique look they have today.
• Camels. The camels are cool, but the people selling rides kinda annoying. Godspeed my desert friends, I hope you get treated right.
• Women. I got the distinct impression that women in egyptian society don’t enjoy the same rights and privileges as men. Just a hunch.
• Traffic. The traffic is insane. Vibes-based. Just drive this, there, make sure to hit no one, honk a lot. Cars from the 1970s. Banged up. Lights not working. Speed bumps coming out of nowhere. Enjoy.
• Men. Lotsa guys being guys there. The policemen look like something out of a French police movie from the 1970s. I think it’s the cut that was prominent back then.
• Museum. The new Grand Museum or whatever it’s called is sick, easily my favorite thing while I was there. Sick design, astounding collection. I love it. There was even one exhibit of a Calendar of good and bad days which was a collection, you guessed it, of good and bad days experienced by the writer. Dating back to Papyrus days, I don’t know when.
• Food. Yeah I already talked about the food. They were offering fresh Guava fruit at one of the buffets. That’s were I got my diarrhea from. They washed it with some poo water. Don’t eat that.
• Transport. So much travelling during that trip, omg. Most notable was a boat ride on the Nile, where little kids on surfboards latched on to tourist boats, and started belting Guantanamera. Insane.
• And that’s it. I have a cold and I am sick. Just wanted to push something out, so I don’t think of couging all the time. Also I got a bit of a fever.
• One of the salesmen didn’t have a pitch, he just shouted ‘I love money, I love money!". Keeping it pure and simple.